I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
