All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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