As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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