A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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