Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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