god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't deserve a penis
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
