Welp...herpes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
