Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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