Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
