i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
