I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
