Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
COCAINE IS GR8
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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