I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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