I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
