I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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