Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
