I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize