mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
