Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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