Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
