I heard we made out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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