Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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