you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
