I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
