im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
