Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
