All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
