I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
