apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
