just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
