I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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