she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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