Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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