The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
