the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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