Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this just has baby written all over it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
