Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
