Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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