did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
