Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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