I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
