Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
