So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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