I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This house was built for laser tag.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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