i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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