I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
