You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
