I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize