I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
