was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
