I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
