You smell like stripper and shame
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
