I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
