i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
