God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
