I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
