She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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