Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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