You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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