Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
