I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
