You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
