Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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