Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
