I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
