We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
