I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
